So I was awarded a "proggy" from PETA. Me and Arnold Schwarzenegger. I am happy about it but the weird thing is no one from PETA contacted me! I found out from someone on my message boards a few weeks ago. Apparently there is a plaque waiting for me at my publisher's office and I will totally hang it on the wall, right next to my GED. But the reason for my writing is that I just came across this quote from Ingrid Newkirk, PETA's president, about the award:
"Isa Moskowitz's phenomenal new cookbook is bound to encourage even diehard meat-eaters to give humane vegan cooking a try," says PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk. "We're thrilled to recognize Isa for helping to meet the growing hunger for meatless foods in the most creative and delicious ways imaginable!"
It made me feel weird that Ingrid Newkirk looked at my book. I mean, of course she did, there isn't much vegan bathroom reading to look at out there. It just made me feel at once honored and also a little like my mom read my diary. I've been equally critical and supportive of PETA in the past. Critical because of their sexist advertising, supportive because I feel like they make a huge difference with their (fully clothed) outreach and their animal cruelty investigations. And it just made me think, oh great, now if I say something bad about PETA they will send Bob Barker over to my apartment to rip the damned proggy off the wall. Well, fine, but you can't have my GED, Bob! I earned that shit!
What I'm saying is now I feel like I am "established" and my opinion has to be somewhat calculated. It's not a good feeling. And I don't mean to come across as self-important at all, like my opinion matters oh so very much. I just mean that I hate all the bullshit that goes on in our interactions. I hate when people don't say what they mean or when people are being obviously manipulative and not laying their cards out on the table in an honest way. I just hope that no matter how much "fame" I get in this little vegan world I never feel the need to compromise. And, on the flip side, I feel like now that I know people are listening I am a little bit smarter. I have a habit of shooting my mouth off and being dead wrong. I think that the little pause I give before I say what I want has been helpful. Maybe this post contradicts all that, but I can delete it and just post something like "ZOMG! I GOT A PROGGY! I AM THE BEST! DON'T EAT THE MEATZ! LOL!"
I wonder if Arnold Schwarzenegger is suffering the very same existential angst over all this.